I've decided that I hate the mall. And if this makes me a bad American (not to mention unpopular with my daughters), well, then so be it.
The other night I offered to pick up a new pair of Levis 550 "Relaxed Fit" jeans (I won't tell you the waist & length) for dh. He left his "good" pair in the last hotel room he occupied (don't ask, I don't know how that happened). See, dh wears ONLY Levis 550 "Relaxed Fit" jeans. Well, maybe 3 times a year he'll put on a pair of khakis but mostly it's just those jeans, and the shorts version in the summer.
Anyway.
So in between dropping off ds at his Bible Study and myself going to choir, I went to the mall. I probably would have been safe if I'd just stuck to the Jeans Purchase but then I realized I needed to buy a copy of TIME (see below) so that meant I had to leave Macy's and enter the belly of the beast. Ventured out towards the Food Court, by the kiosks hawking Christmas ornaments, around the carousel, past Victoria's Secret, finally made it to Waldenbooks. Scanning the magazine racks for TIME, averting eyes and avoiding offensive visuals as much as possible. Made my purchase and walked as fast as I could back to the escape hatch/mall exit.
On the way it finally hit me in full force. I HATE THE MALL. I think I am finally just going to go with this. Perhaps my so-far-successful Release from Bondage to Wal-mart has freed me to boldly admit my loathing. I don't have to pretend any more.
So as I'm scurrying along, head partially down, I of course descry peripherally (two SAT words!)things that make me crazy and I start muttering and rolling my eyes at will. I think I even spoke the words, "I am a misfit." One man seemed to notice me and looked kinda scared.
Oh well. I don't care. I hate the mall.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
About Me
Labels
Kids
(150)
Family
(97)
Scrapbooking
(81)
Travel
(80)
Flora
(75)
Blah blah blah
(73)
Homeschooling
(73)
Me
(71)
Holidays
(68)
House and Home
(65)
Music
(46)
Weather
(46)
Schedules
(41)
Technicalities
(35)
Movies
(34)
Food
(33)
Skating
(29)
Funny
(27)
Shopping
(19)
All Right Here
(18)
Books
(17)
Quick Takes
(16)
Church
(15)
England
(13)
Fauna
(13)
Friends
(13)
Outside
(13)
Theatre
(13)
Creating
(12)
Ballet
(9)
Pets
(9)
North Carolina
(8)
Seasons
(8)
dh
(8)
College
(7)
Oh my.
(7)
Organizing
(7)
Plans
(7)
Good Stuff
(5)
Health
(5)
Sad
(5)
Sports
(5)
Complaints
(4)
Helping
(4)
Quotable
(4)
Bloom Day
(3)
Happy
(3)
TV
(3)
Good Read
(2)
Recipes
(2)
Education
(1)
Indiana
(1)
9 comments:
I've hated malls for years. I used to see how many months I could go without going into one. And the one you went to is the one I don't mind as much - the one I *really* dislike is the big huge one with lots of useless clothes stores (though the Barnes & Noble there has a good music selection - at least they did a year ago which is the last time I was there).
Gee, we should all join a club together! I hate the mall too. I would not, however, put my head down and act insane. ha ha.
It's ok to be "un-American".
Oh yea. We can go mall-walking wearing "I hate the mall" t-shirts.
I just have to say that, as your little sister--who recently was still in the mall phase-- I am officially embaressed by your comment about walking in the mall wearing "i hate malls" t-shirts. LOL
Natalie, ok, I won't go there. Just for you sweetie. (And my kids will appreciate that too. In England I wanted to make & wear a t-shirt that said "I don't want to see so much of you, could you please put more clothes on?" and my kids didn't like that idea either.) Such a trouble-maker, I am. :-)
W 36, L 34. not so bad. -dh
I don't know if I can even comment because I am guffawing and chortling and LAUGHING so uproariously I can hardly depress the keys on the keyboard.
I am laughing.
Emily. This is truly one of the funniest things I have ever read. Really close, at least. When I finally got to the "I am a misfit" portion I could hardly breathe.
This is maybe because I so closely understand your sense of humor? Or because I, too, hate the mall with such loathing, I cannot speak of it? Or because it was truly a stroke of genius and so totally funny? All three?
I want to join the club! I want to wear the t-shirt!
I must admit, Rachel, that I too, have acted somewhat manic in the mall. I cannot say that I wouldn't ever do it or do it again. I think that I have, too, muttered something, probably accusatory, under my breath, like "all you people are psycho."
My daughter has said to me on occasion, before we enter the mall, upon her prodding, "Mom, please behave while we're in here. Let's just get the job done and then we can leave. And please be happy, and don't whine. Have a happy look on your face and don't look like you're going to kill something." You may contact her and doublecheck, I'm sure she will concur that this has happened.
I love the title "Malled." Love it.
I believe we should start a movement that will take over the world, based on our despisation (I know that's not a word but it should be one) of the mall. (Note I do not capitalize The Mall because it is Not Worthy.)
Who will join me in my quest?
(P.S. Laura, I'm glad I could add to your joy for the day!)
Post a Comment